You've heard about it before; or, you've been approached as you unsuspectingly enter a chat room. Someone sends you a private message asking "do you cyber"? Well, of course, you are in a chat room, aren't you? So you unwittingly agree to a private chat with this person. It all begins innocently enough, both of you exchanging personal information, the "A/S/L" - or "age/sex/location" of each other. You start talking about normal everyday events, until the other person all of a sudden begins flirting with you, asking you for a kiss. Intrigued, you simply respond with "kiss". Eventually the two of you take your flirting further - you begin to strip for each other, you describe what you are doing to yourself, masturbating, and what you would do to the other person if the two of you were in the bedroom. In vivid detail the pictures emerge of a passionate bout of intimacy - the two of you alone. Together. Having sex.
Welcome to the world of "Cybering", or "Cybersex".
For many people, it's nothing but a way to explore their fantasies. Some argue that it simply is a way for them to enjoy sex without having to go out and find a partner; without having to concern themselves with potential diseases such as HIV or genital herpes. And in truth, what harm is really done from consenting adults role-playing with each other? In a random questionnaire, I found that the majority of men who are involved in cybering are married or in a long term relationship, with at least 1/2 of these cybering with their partners! Many couples who are in long-distance relationships will log online and in the privacy of their rooms fantasize with each other. In vibrant, sometimes colorful detail, they'll describe how they would pleasure each other if they were together. The sexual tension is abundant, the teasing, the spark of wantonness is heavy in the air. You can be as lascivious, as colorful, and as kinky as you wish. The uneasiness you feel talking to your partner in a face-to-face encounter is somehow eased when you are hidden behind the monitor.
With the availability of cameras for your computer and picture phones on your cells, you can enhance your cyber-partner's fantasies by sharing pictures, or featuring a strip-tease in front of the camera. Both men and women swap photos as they are describing the sensual and voluptuous acts they are enjoying. It's becoming more common to invite more than one person to the cyber fest, turning it into more-or-less an online orgy - swapping photos, "swinging" with other couples. As time goes on, the participants become more entranced, delving into the deepest desires of each other. Cybersex becomes 'cyberkink'. Partners come and go, and the pleasure heightens for those who enjoy cybersex. It puts the desire back into the mundane and boring they felt with their partner. It gives confidence to those who feel socially inept in bars, clubs and other real life group settings. And for many, it will always be nothing more than a harmless flirtation - a way to discover their own sexual pleasures.
In every aspect of our lives, "Communication and Respect" are always key words. Whether or not you enjoy cybersex, or you want nothing to do with it, treat whomever you are chatting with respectfully. In this day and age of technology, and with the future becoming more high-tech and advanced, cybesex is always going to be around, and love it or not, men and women are going to enjoy it. If you are in a relationship with another person, think about them before you click on that button and start asking a/s/l. You may just find that the person who responds - is your partner in real life.